“Let Them”: How Jesus Modelled the theory long before it became a modern trend.

Anja Bronkhorst — Fri, 16 May 2025 05:11:42 +0000

A Christian Counselling Perspective on the "Let Them" theory...

In today’s conversations about boundaries, healing, and emotional wellness, the “Let Them” theory is becoming more widely recognized. It encourages us to release the need to control others and embrace inner peace when people walk away, misunderstand us or behave in a way that is hard for us to process and accept. It encourages us to “let them” and then “let me”. It promotes awareness and acceptance of what you can control (all things related to yourself) and cannot control (other people and everything related to them). Millions of people have bought Mel Robbins’ famous book and have embraced this theory as some revelation and liberating new way of living. But did you know that in all truth this profound wisdom is ancient?

Did you know this idea has deep Biblical roots?

Jesus lived this principle long before it became a trend. And His example offers powerful wisdom for anyone navigating tough relationships. These principles can be applied in life and in Christian counselling, individual or relationship counselling sessions.

Jesus Didn't Chase—He Let Them Go

Throughout His ministry, Jesus extended love, healing, and truth—but never forced anyone to follow Him. He respected people’s free will and choices, even when it meant letting them go. This does not take away the fact that Jesus kept reaching out and pursuing people compassionately. Jesus kept choosing people but never forced people to choose Him back.

As a Christian counsellor, I believe there’s strength in this example. Here are some examples of how Jesus modelled the “Let Them” mindset:

1. Jesus Let the Rich Young Ruler Walk Away

(Mark 10:17–27)

When a wealthy man rejected Jesus’ invitation to follow Him, Jesus didn’t beg or lower the standard. He simply let him walk away. That wasn’t rejection—it was love with boundaries. Jesus never forced people to make decisions, even if it would be in their best interest. He provided the wisdom, guidance, and opportunity but ultimately left the personal decision with that person. Authentic love can never be forced but must be freely chosen and given. People need to be ready for that step and ready for the sacrifice required. No one can be forced to be ready.

2. He Let Judas Choose Betrayal

(John 13:27)

Jesus knew Judas heart, thoughts, and plans. Jesus knew Judas would betray Him, yet He still let him go. Rather than to change or control the outcome, Jesus surrendered the situation to God’s greater plan. Jesus had a unique mission that could only be fulfilled by surrendering to God’s plan of salvation for humanity. We as humans are not saviours but may also deal with betrayal in close and trusted relationships. We have the power of control to determine how we are going to deal with the betrayal but ultimately, we cannot prevent people from choosing to betray us or break our trust.

3. He Let the Crowds Leave

(John 6:66–67)

When Jesus’ teaching became too difficult, many stopped following Him. Jesus didn’t change His message to keep them. Instead, He turned to His disciples and gave them a choice, too. Jesus set the powerful example of being obedient to God and His calling, even if it meant losing popularity and favour with people. In the same way, we might lose popularity, support, and praise from people that don’t agree with our values or calling.

Applying the “Let Them” Principle through a Christian Counselling lense:

There are many more examples that can be found in the Bible. Whether you’re facing a strained friendship, a difficult family member, or heartbreak, it’s hard to let people go, let them be who they are, or to let them respond in the way they choose. But from a Christian Counselling perspective, releasing others is sometimes the healthiest thing you can do—for them and for your own peace and purpose.

If someone chooses dysfunction over healing—let them.
If you can’t explain yourself anymore and people still misunderstand you—let them.
If someone walks away from or disagrees with your values, purpose, or faith—let them.

This doesn’t mean you stop loving them. It means you trust God more than your need to fix, rescue, or control them. It means you love yourself enough to stay true to yourself. It means you get to live your meaningful, value-driven, God given life to the full and take full responsibility and ownership for what is within your control. It means you get to love God, and love people, while loving yourself and your precious life.

Let Go. Let God. Live Free.

Jesus lived open-handed, never clinging, never controlling. He invites you to do the same. Whether you’re dealing with loss, relationship struggles, or spiritual confusion, remember:

Let go.
Let Go(d).

Let them.
Let me.

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